Facebook status updates this [insert random time period] ...

Broondog hopes Stevie Wonder found the profiteroles.

Broondog has written a book called Babies For Dummies.

Broondog has gone green. I've strapped solar panels to my head to power my MP3 player.

Broondog thinks that Jaffa Cakes are proof that aliens have landed.

Broondog is studying Dadaism Dadaism Dadaism is studying Dadaism Dadaism Dadaism Elephant!

Broondog's favourite owl is the teet. I love teet owls me.

Broondog loves the new Anglican rapper - Snoop Doggy Dogcollar.

Broondog thinks life is too short for Facebo

Broondog has written a book called Shop Displays For Dummies.

Broondog is using dried fruit to find the meaning of life. It's my raisin d' etre.

Broondog isn't sure about Cornish independence; can a nation survive on fudge as it's only natural resource?

Broondog gets puzzled when people who live on boats say they are "living the dream". Sorry mate, but I have bigger dreams than pooing in a bucket!

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

And remember...

If you don't believe me then this should convince you:

I'm off now to go mad.

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Facebook status updates this week (and a bit!)...

Broondog knew he went to a tough school when he saw the headline in the local paper; "Disruptive Pupil Suspended By Head".

Broondog is developing broccoli.

Broondog is thinking on his feet, sitting on his hands, and counting on his friends.

Broondog is standing next to a fat bloke who is meditating. I can't believe it's not Buddha.

Broondog saw a job advertised for "Tree Fellers". I thought what's this, some kind of joke?

Broondog was scared the first time he saw World Of Leather that he might end up living there. Everywhere you go would squeak!

Broondog boils onions for fun.

Broondog is off to the House Of Lords to talk to Lady Boyes.

Broondog opened a kebab shop with his friend Peter Bread.

Broondog filled out his passport application in green crayon.

Broondog has gone green. I've strapped solar panels to my head to power my MP3 player.

Broondog has a photographic memory, but all he can remember is photographs.

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Sleepwalking Dog

This is what happens if you take your dreams too seriously:

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

More Facebook "Classics"

Facebook status updates; the ones you may have missed...

Broondog wonders if after eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Broondog says if I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Broondog wonders why if you blow in a dog's face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

Broondog thinks people don't die, they just become electroencephalographically challenged.

Broondog once nearly had a psychic girlfriend, but she left him before they met!

Broondog thinks that if it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight.

Broondog thinks that education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

Broondog has written a book; its called "Ventriloquism For Dummies.

Broondog thinks that perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Broondog wonders why if Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Bill Wyman - treasure hunter.

We all remember Bill Wyman, bass player with The Rolling Stones, husband of child bride Mandy Smith, and all-round womaniser; a man who lived the rock 'n' roll lifestyle to the max. But what about Bill Wyman the treasure hunter?

Well, its true

And what's more, he has his very own signature metal detector

So, lets hear Bill's new single (courtesy of Mr. Swede Mason.):

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Twin Towns

Welcome to Bradford - yep, you're more than welcome to it.  Its a beautiful place; even the locals agree.

In 2002 Bradford Council began their regeneration programme for the city centre - that's 2002; 7 years ago. So, how far through the plan have they come? Not very is the answer, not very. Well, judge for yourself. Here is the the sum total of seven years work:

But wait; haven't we seen this somewhere before? It's quite standard for towns and cities to use developments in other places as the blueprint to their own projects. Normally it is a beautiful, picturesque area that is used as the template. Not in Bradford though.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Bradford -

Twinned with CHERNOBYL!

Bradford council have the perfect opportunity to rebuild the city and actually make it into something worthwhile. Look at Gateshead and Newcastle. They also lost out on the “European Capital Of Culture 2008” bid, but instead of moaning about it they picked themselves up and went out and rebuilt a town and a city fit for the 21st Century.

Come on, get some vision, be prepared to look at what others are doing with curiosity instead of scorn, learn from their successes and failures, and make this a thing of the past.

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Facebook Classics!

OK, so classics may be a bit of an overstatement. We all like to blow our own trumpet at times. I know what you're thinking - that is one trumpet that is out of key - but I don't care, I'm tone deaf.

Still, some people have been asking me if I've been writing these down for the ones they have missed. The answer is now yes and I shall post them over the next few weeks.

Facebook status updates; the ones you may have missed...

Broondog would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Broondog thinks that suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

Broondog wonders, if a word is misspelled in the dictionary, is it misspelled? And if it is misspelled, how would we know?

Broondog wonders, why do we have drive up ATM's with braille on them?

Broondog says, proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Broondog wonders, if you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Broondog says, how long a minute is depends on what side of the toilet door you're on.

Broondog wonders, why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these people?

Broondog wonders what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag.

Broondog is confused about the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Facebook status updates this week...

Broondog considered giving up oxygen for lent but found it spoiled the atmosphere.

Broondog is worried that if Mandelson can get into the Lords, then Voldermort could be next.

Broondog got stung by a bee yesterday; 5 quid for a jar of honey!

Broondog thinks it a bad idea to sell the Royal Mail to the Dutch. The last thing we need is to add soft drugs and clogs to the mix.

Broondog is devising a plan to take over the world, but it may end up as an oven cleaner.

Broondog is beating the recession by keeping his money down the back of the sofa.

Broondog can't remember damsons.

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.

Facebook status updates this week...

Broondog has cured his cough. I've taken 2 laxatives and I wouldn't dare cough.

Broondog thinks that bankers who caused the recession should get their pensions - NOW!

Broondog is stuck with his crossword. 2 down: tired postman; not sure how many letters.

Broondog thinks it would be hilarious if people had magnetic ears.

Seeya, gan canney, Broondog.